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Chase that WOO NELLY!
Indeedy SIR!
Well here i am at 4:20 am perusing through my old journals.


I really got into quite a rut.

Just looking backs at the last time i was on here makes me realize how badly i've lost track of time. it seems all so arbitrary.

Hahaha i feel so much more minimalist lately. I really i can't deal with all these stupid complications placed on everything. i just wanna enjoy my days instead of working two jobs for 3 weeks straight. is it so much to ask to not have to wake up everyday and throw my soul into a corporate coffee grinder? literally and figuratively. despite how badly i should be sleeping right now my mind has kept me up. ALOT. i find sleep to be quite useless until i'm shutting down from lack of it.
as my many(many used sarcastically) fans can tell or would now, i'm missing something. something i have a feeling i know would help. but it's all out of my control. i would wish to be at that point, but where's the fun in that?

been pursuing music a lot more, let me tell you something. it's not easy. i'm looking up to the guys who make anything on the radio sound like a can of corned shit. and woo is it hard to keep up with. i'll always have my board. i'm suprised dad hasn't had a cliche you're a skate board hooligan fail moment at all yet. i'm sure he will, once he realizes it's what i know and what i love he won't bitch as much. haha it's really all i know, like seriously. i've pretty much lost touch with everything but that. i have a hard time talking to alot of people. i get lots of wtf looks from ALOT of people. it's not like i'm making a parking garage style joke, it's just simple stuff and people look like i just shot their dog, i'm just tired of people not understanding anything, can they not take it or something? it confuses me, i know i'm not weird. even little kids get weirded out and they're usually blank slates. a guy asked me if i was staying out of trouble the other day and i said i had spent the last twenty minutes dangling a baby out a window and he just left, no other words said. kinda bothers me. is sarcasm a lost art?

Ah, people. silly group we are. there's only very few people i would trust with anything anymore. the fairy dust is all gone from our eyes, the current of wonder is slowly drying. there's really only about 4 things in this world that give that back to me. and i'll be damned if i let those ever slide away. i might not say what or who they may be but you all know. you know very well. there's still some genuine love and trust spewing from synopses. only a few of you have it, and you all mean the world to me. but seeing as i have work in six hours, i'll be talking to you all soon! have a good night, day, month, year, ten years, fifty years. night everyone. i'm gonna cuddle with fuzzyboots.
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sad sad day my friends.
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hello internet mighty web of the planet you seem to be the only connection i have to the outside of these steamy hills and rocky cactus ridden pseudo inferno. besides having the only attraction in my town built by a down syndrome farmer and living in the right side of duplex with the only person i hang out with there i t kinda limits my fun. other than the moving picture i have a sock filled up with sand and sewn shut and some wood with wheels.i can't remember how to form a proper sentence anymore. i'm halfway between not knowing what to do and knowing exactly what i should do but i can't stop the wheel from spinning it completley destroys my motivation to even bother trying to figure out i'm stuck trying to beat one of my oldest friends to death with some impossible t find materia god it sucks i can't even think of what i'm gonna do after this year i'll be old enough to buy ciggarets but i don't smoke so there no upside to that. so if you can't tell i completley have my head up my ass so i'll work on pulling it out talk to you all when i get the chance ese

Current Music: some beat where a man speaks to a rythm like a legend

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I lied.
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    As far as people in Arizona know I'm asexual.
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So anyway, everyday I think about something I should have done it Utah. Wether it be people or something. Today I was thinking about all the prime skate spots I passed up in Salt Lake. I mean I worked right next to the gnarliest banks I've ever seen. IT was fucking perfect and I only skated it once and I didn't really skate it I just carved up it once on the way to the gas station. Then I think about the Delta Center, wow, I mean if Jon Allie found those spots to rip in the C1rca video I don't know why I didn't go up to it to try that little handrail, it couldn't have been more than 6 stairs. I can easily bomb it I don't know why I never tried the rail. I guess it's a lesson in taking things for granted, I should probably skate the shit I find here before I regret not doing it.

    But people, that's another reason. I'm pretty sure I could have gotten alot more "busy" then I was normally if I had actually thought about the girls I know there. Fuck, I feel stupid. Oh well. I'm good without it. I guess it's just cus I have more respect for most of those girls. I think that's what attracts me to girls really. When a girl has self-respect and the ability to say no I really admire that. I can't pin point it but I think that girls like that have the common sense that would be needed to continue a relationship, I really can't stand the girls who NEED to call every ten minutes to see where I am or what I'm doing, I'm mean it's flattering the first two or three times but after that I just wanna not answer the phone anymore. Just leave the the fuck alone seriously. I don't get it. That's why I have a BIG BIG thing for a somebody that you all should know who it is except maybe Mike. Sorry Mike, you'll find out eventually. Trust me, I seriously doubt that you'll never know who I'm talking about. I think you'll end up knowing her the rest of your life.

    But yah, I' think I'm gonna pass my half drunk ass out. NIGHT!
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Good lord, I have never been more bored in my life. Everyday it's the same, I start out feeling optimistic, then it happens. The boredom sets in, the crippling boredom that without fail turns into a crippling agitation. I snap at everyone for no reason, I get mad at everyone for everything. I'm starting to think I need to do something after my ridiculous school days (8am-6pm). I can't stand it, I skate to try and calm down but it's kinda hard to do when my mom doesn't trust me enough to let me go out after dark. I don't get it, everyday I try and figure something out ot help it go away, but everyday at about 7 it starts coming back in full force. I can't stop  it, I need something. I've been trying everything to escape it. I've been fiending my ass of, I scrape my slider and piece almost daily hoping for a bit of resin I missed, I spent all my money on 40s the other night.I hate using drugs as a means to escape, I'm more of a recreational person. I don't get it. I'm starting to think coming here was a bad idea. I wonder if I can just skip actual school, get a job and do online school. At least if I have a job I'll be able to go out and do things. I won't have to worry about running out of things to do, maybe I can get a car and drive my ass back up to Orem and spend my time being a skate bum like I enjoy oh so much. Fuck. I need some soda.

Current Music: Onemosphere- Atmosphere

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It's just so damn funny.

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    So I tried fixing my problems with make up with Jerico and  Robby. It seemed to be working abit I was happy for about two days or so but then that horrible feeling like life was bland came creeping back. It's an unsettling feeling that I can't really seem to get rid of. I get restless, but when I do sleep I sleep for along time even if I have school the next day I'll sleep in till 11 cus I don't have the motivation to get up and go.At school it's not so bad, I'm used to school being boring so I can cope with it pretty well, plus there are always people there. But when I come back home and start trying to figure out what I want to do it comes drifting back in. So I try to fix it by seeing what everyones doing. I usually come up with nothing. On occasion I might find someone who's not  doing something but it's usually Justin so we go out and skate. I love skating and all but it's not helping me fix my problem. I guess it's cus there's no one that special that I wake up in he morning looking forward to seeing. I wake up do the same shit everyday then go to bed. God it's boring. I would say what I feel like but I can't find a word to really figure it out.I'm pretty much just stuck in a rut I guess.
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